THE SWITCH

I never really understood those kids that just got whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. 

You know those kids that were just out with their parents and saw something and was like - I want this. 

And then just got it. 

Growing up our parents never just gave us what we wanted. 

We had to wait for Christmas, a birthday or we had to buy it ourselves with our own money. 

But when it came to educational stuff, these rules were out the window. 

Like one time we were at a Civic Video killing time and I saw a copy of the new Agent Cody Banks movie, and I really wanted to buy it - it was my favourite movie. 

Right next to it was a times table video that walked kids through all the times tables from 1x1 to 12x12. 

Knowing my mother wouldn’t just let me buy the Agent Cody Banks video I thought I’d be sneaky and I’d switch the cases on the video so that she’d think I wanted the times table video, but I’d really get the Agent Cody Banks movie. 

The plan was genius, I was so smart. You don’t need times tables when you know how to lie. 

Taking it to Mum she bought the bait and without even thinking said yes. There could have been cocaine in there and she would have said yes.  

But alas, my plan was thwarted when the cashier opened the video to scan the barcode on the top. Realising it was the wrong video she apologised to my mother and went to find a copy of the times table video. 

My mother looked at me and smiled. Double fuck. 

She made me watch that video when we got home. And surprisingly...I liked it. Each set of times tables had a different song in a different genre. I don’t remember what they were, but I do know my times tables - so they must have worked.

I was like a young, good Will Hunting, except I didn’t have sex with Minnie Driver all I had was a sense of accomplishment. 

I was about to enter year 2, and if you’re familiar with the syllabus, it’s very times table heavy. 

So heavy in fact that Ms Richards, my year 2 teacher organised a year wide times table competition. 

Everyone knew who was going to win. Alison Coulter - obviously. She was the smartest girl in our school. She was really sweet too, not like one of those awful smart kids. She was kind and liked to read, but also just oozed intelligence. 

I knew she was going to win. 

Ms Richards ran it like a spelling bee, you would stand up and answer the question. If you got it right you progressed and if you got it wrong you were eliminated. 

Forgetting that I had done all of this unintentional pre-work during the school holidays I was surprised when I started nailing every question. 

The competition went all afternoon with more and more kids getting knocked out. Suddenly, before I knew it Alison and I were standing up at the front of the class as the last two contestants. I was shook, I couldn’t believe I’d made it so far. 

The final round was a sudden death, the question was asked and whoever answered the question first correctly would be the winner. 

Alison was very competitive, I could tell this meant a lot to her. Not for any reason in particular, but I think because she just didn’t want to lose. 

It wasn’t like there was some mother up the back in sunglasses and a pants suit that would walk out if she failed. We all grew up in good homes. 

Ms Richards asked the question. I knew the answer! 

But before I opened my mouth Alison shouted her answer. 

It was wrong. 

Alison started to whimper, I could tell she was holding back tears. 

Ms Richards looked at me and said “Rowan, if you can answer the question you will be the winner.” 

The class fell silent. 

7x7 is 49. I had won. 

“Um, 49?” I said. 

The class erupted into the loudest bout of apathy you’ve ever heard. 

No one cared. 

But Alison started crying, she had lost. I felt bad for her, especially when Ms Richards knighted me with a novelty size plastic gold medal. 

Ms Richards went to comfort Alison and feeling like I’d accidentally won the whole thing I took my medal and gave it to Alison and said, “It’s okay Alison you can have it.”

She looked up at me and reached out for it. But then she wiped her tears and said, “No it’s okay you deserve it. You won fair and square.”

I took my medal home to my parents - they were really proud of me. 

They immediately started preparing me for the UMAT.